My Inner Critic

My Inner Critic

It’s been over a month since my last blog post and there has been a lot happening, I won’t bore you with the all details as there is still quite a bit to go through for this month’s blog.

To start the photo for this blog entry is a Telethon Poster that was put up by the guys at work during Telethon.  The posters are usually supposed to be for stars and performers but as a joke these guys printed one of me and had it up all through the day.  I loved it and I got great exposure. Thanks guys, love your work :) 

Blowflies, the new web series by Jonny Walker has been progressing well.  We have been rehearsing for the last month and today just finished our final rehearsal.  We successfully got through all six scripts and have had a great time developing our characters and their relationships with each other.  We are  scheduled to start filming on location next week – I still want to add a few tweaks to my character and hopefully will have it spot on for next Saturday.

On another note I recently filmed a short scene for a feature film called Deadtime a couple weeks ago.  It was a pretty cool action scene and I had the opportunity to unleash my mean, tough guy streak.  The shoot took approximately three hours and it was great to act with Jessica Hegarty and catch up with good acting friend John McPherson.  I am looking forward to working with directors Kylie and Rody again on any future projects.

I also attended the Perth Film Networking Night last Monday and had the opportunity to catch up with some acting colleagues I haven’t seen in awhile.  I met a few new contacts too which I hope to work with in the future.  I did notice attendance had dropped a little for the night and I am wondering why.  Surely any driven actor knows that networking is an essential part of making it in this industry, especially a small one like Perth.   What are your thoughts of the networking nights?  Are they worth going to?

Last night I was an extra for a TV commercial.  I arrived 45 minutes early to make sure I wasn’t late and we started from 6:30pm and finished at 2:20am.  I can’t say too much about the commercial due to confidentiality but it was an interesting night and I met some great actors, one of which was Eddie Stowers, who I saw as a reader for PAC Scriptlabs .  I’ll be able to speak about it more once the commercial has aired, so until then…

Now that my monthly update is out of the way I want to air my feelings about being my own worst critic.  I have a strong background in business and so as an actor I believe the way I come to learn something is much different to an artistic actor.  I believe the artistic actor has the natural ability to learn because of their creativity.  I always feel that I am behind as an actor as it takes me a while to switch from ‘Business Leon’ to ‘Actor Leon’.  Business Leon hates mistakes, because in the context of business, mistakes cost money. But Actor Leon knows that only through mistakes can you truly learn.  Success is built on the base of thousands of mistakes.  

This strict self-critic style has me double guessing my work on my character Simon in Blowflies.  I’m not sure if I’m obsessing, but I want this character to hit the mark.  I have been quite frustrated over the last month because I feel I might be missing something.  The Director, Jonny, has been great and giving me feedback but I feel that my character is missing something. I do wonder if I have missed the character or am I being overly critical of myself?  I believe Jonny would say that this goal to obtain perfectionism comes from a place of ego and I’m sure he would be quite right but I still want to give this character everything and make sure what is on paper comes to life as close to what the writer / director envisages.  I wonder how other actors out there handle their own doubts and inner critic.

Thanks for reading

Tortured Acting Soul

Posted in: Blog, Blowflies

2 Responses to My Inner Critic

  1. Great blog, mate!

    A super round-up of a busy month.
    Your work ethic is inspirational.

    I can only add two things;

    1/ Is Jonny Walker related to Jonny Walks?

    2/ Having such a stern inner critic is a great motivational tool to get you up each and every day, on the ball, eager to do your best. But it’s a terrible strategy for letting you sleep at nights! It keeps saying “what if?” and “what about tomorrow?” and “I was good, but I could have been better” etc etc. It doesn’t allow much time for enjoying your (many) successes. I think it might be useful to look at Leon Businessman and Leon Actor as different * aspects * of Leon, Great Human Being , NOT separate identities. Here’s why. Since all behaviour has either Meaning or Purpose (no matter how apparently destructive the behaviour is) I believe you should allow full reign to LB when he’s in his element,at work etc and LA when he’s on set, or auditioning, or rehearsing. Depending on what you’re doing at the time, why not give LB or LA the night off. Have them officially “hand over control’ to the other. That way, they’ll always be fresh when you call on them again; when it’s their time to shine. They’re NOT conflicting parts of LeonGHB, they just need to rest up while the other is doing his thang. So no conflict, just respect for the job each one performs in making the complete person we love and admire. Peace. Bid

  2. I look forward to seeing you extending yourself into different roles. It was very cool seeing you as a Steve vs. Sweaty Orange Monk. Interestingly, I prefer SOM to Steve. Regard each ‘error’ as a learning opportunity. Flaws are what make us, its boring being perfect :)

    Jonny Walks is a great guy to work with, but has nothing to my friend in the bottle Jonny Walker!

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